


Such Selfish Prayers

by rarepairenabler



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dreamsharing, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Ronan thinks Adam's part of his dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 20:02:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4679558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarepairenabler/pseuds/rarepairenabler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like most things in Adam's life, being pulled into Ronan's dreams feels both impossible and inevitable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time it happens, Adam’s in a dream. Ronan’s, specifically. 

Adam leans back to rest his head on his pillow when his bed vanishes beneath him, replaced by a meadow. _Cabeswater,_ his brain supplies as he takes in the surrounding trees. He can feel the pulse of the ley lines thrumming in his veins.

Adam’s in the same pair of ratty boxers he fell asleep in. His hair is still damp from the shower he took before bed and he’s shirtless. Ronan’s sitting close enough that their knees touch and the fabric of his jeans rub against Adam’s bare legs. Unlike Adam, he’s fully clothed. It’d hardly be a surprise if the other boy slept in his jeans and muscle tee. 

“Ronan?” Adam croaks, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion as the other boy slides closer to him. 

_I’m in his head,_ Adam realizes. Ronan is going to kill him. He braces himself, waiting for the other boy to release a heated string of cusses. 

Ronan doesn’t. 

Instead, he narrows his eyes at Adam and scratches the back of his neck, fidgeting under the scrutiny. “Problem, Parrish?” 

Adam blushes and curls his fists in the grass. “Nothin,” he mutters, his accent creeping into his voice as he peers around Cabeswater. “Is it safe here?”

He’s always suspected the horrors that lived in Ronan’s brain. He doesn’t really want to stick around for the confirmation. If he died in Ronan’s dream, what would happen to him? His stomach sinks. 

“Safe as life. Scout’s honor,” he replies, giving Adam a salute. 

Adam stiffens in response.

Ronan smirks and drapes an arm around his waist. “Relax, loser. It’s not that kind of dream.” 

He’s still processing when Ronan leans in to close the space between them. His first instinct is to pull away and demand answers like why the hell he’s appearing in his friend’s dream, but he’s distracted by way Ronan almost tenderly cups his face in his hands. Adam shivers at the pressure of another body pressing against his, at the sensation of Ronan’s lips trailing along his neck and collar.  
Oh, that kind of dream. He’s so screwed. 

“Hng maybe we should discuss this first?” Adam says through gritted teeth as Ronan nips at his shoulder. 

Ronan huffs against Adam’s shoulder. “The fuck is there to discuss?” 

“Boundaries? Preferences? _Safe words?_ ”

Ronan pauses. “Squash. Chainsaw. Bullseye. Take your pick, princess.”

“Weirdo,” Adam grunts. He bites Ronan’s lip teasingly as he snakes a hand between them and curls his fingers around where Ronan is hard and straining in his jeans. 

“Fuck, Parrish. Always so good,” Ronan hisses as they rock together slowly. 

_Always_. The word reverberates in his head as Ronan kisses him softly. Ronan’s dreamt this before. Adam’s suddenly painfully aware of himself. His hands are clumsy as steadies himself, clutching at Ronan’s muscle tee. His lips are chapped. Surely Ronan had dreamt himself a more practiced lover than this. 

Now he’s jealous of himself, of all people. Ronan’s head is a dangerous, fucked up place to be.

Ronan drops his head against Adam’s collar. He can feel his friend’s answering grin against his skin as Ronan slips his hand into Adam’s boxers. 

Always. As if there was no distinction between his dreamt Adam and the real thing. As if this was just another wet dream for him. Fuck. 

He begins to say something, to tell the other boy that he’s real when Ronan starts doing things with his thumb that makes Adam writhe as the words die in his throat. 

“Oh, god, yeah,” Adam whines. He rakes his nails down Ronan’s back. 

“I prefer to go by greywaren,” Ronan says as he presses his nose against Adam’s throat. ”But if the shoe fits.” 

He lies back on the grass as Ronan nudges his legs apart with his knees. The ground is uncomfortable against his back and Ronan’s wristbands chafe against his skin but the friction is perfect and Adam bucks into his grip anyway.

“Lynch,” Adam whimpers. “C’mon, please.” He’s only slightly embarrassed about the broken, desperate noises that he’s making. It’s worth it, he decides, as Ronan hums in concentration and wraps his fingers around Adam’s cock. 

He turns his head away, trying to avoid noticing the way Ronan’s looking at him like he’s a fucking miracle. 

_Lonesome_. How long has Ronan wanted this? Is he satisfied by the dreams, the stolen moments that he conjures in between nightmares? Are they enough? Are they better? 

Not for the first time, Adam’s stomach twists in guilt. Now, with his cock dripping precome onto Ronan’s knuckles, isn’t the best time to announce that he’s not one of Ronan’s dream things. 

It’s unnerving to have him focus all his concentration on Adam. Part of it is vanity, the surreal thought that Ronan, the mysterious, rich asshole who can pluck things out of his dream is two seconds from getting him off. 

“Fuck,” Ronan groans, “C’mon Parrish. Come for me.” 

It should be embarrassing, the whimper he releases through gritted teeth as he comes in Ronan’s hand, only it’s not because Ronan’s giving him a heated look like he’s only just began to draw those noises from him. 

With a wince, Ronan draws his hand out of Adam’s boxers and wrings his wrists.

“Your wristbands?” Adam asks, his gaze drawn to where the leather bands are wet. His ears turn bright pink. 

With a snort, Ronan tugs the bands off. “I’ll dream myself more. They’re not the first pair I’ve ruined.” 

Adam blinks once, twice before he gets it. _Oh_.

“Of course,” Adam replies as flushes. 

The other boy tilts his head to the side, like he’s trying to figure something out. 

“You good?”

Adam nods weakly and swallows. 

“Yeah. Yeah I just-” He closes his eyes and skates his fingers along the twisted shape of Ronan’s tattoo. 

When he opens his eyes he’s back in his bedroom and his boxers are damp and tacky against his skin. 

_Shit._

He traces a finger over his lips where he can still feel the phantom warmth of Ronan’s mouth. 

_Shit._


	2. Chapter 2

Adam shouldn’t have gone into Ronan’s dream. It’s not like he did it on purpose, in fact he was probably only there because Ronan _asked_ for him, _wanted_ him there. But still. He should’ve tried to explain things to Ronan. Should’ve clicked the heels of his bare feet together and thought of St. Agnes. Whatever. 

He has no idea what to do with the intimate knowledge of what Ronan’s mouth feels like against his. He’s known that Ronan has a crush on him for a while now but this is _different_. The possibility of him and Ronan used to be just a passing thought, a distant curiosity. That was before he could picture it, before he _experienced_ it in graphic detail. 

Now he’s hyperaware of their proximity, of every touch. Adam stares at the dark span of Ronan’s eyelashes as Ronan peers over his shoulder to look at their Latin homework, which is sprawled between them. 

“That one’s wrong,” Ronan announces from behind him. 

He’s close enough that their noses nearly touch and he can feel the warmth of Ronan’s breath fanning against his cheek. Have they always cared so little for personal space? Probably. Adam flushes as he considers the way Ronan tends to casually drape his legs across Adam’s. 

Adam stiffens and ducks his head. “Thanks, I’ll fix it,” he mutters. 

He dangles his pen over the notebook before realizing he’d missed the correction Ronan offered. Noticing Adam’s hesitation, Ronan snatches the pen from between his fingers and corrects it for him, 

Ronan lifts his gaze from the page to consider Adam. “I can’t believe it. Adam Parrish’s distracted from his studies,” he snickers. “Shit, I really _am_ a bad influence.”

“Please, I’m incorruptible,” Adam says, scowling as he swats at Ronan’s shoulder. He was bluffing, of course. If he was incorruptible, it was only because there was nothing left to corrupt. All the darkness had already seeped in, everything savory and pure burnt out and vanquished. 

Ronan smirks, broad and dangerous as a razor. “Incorruptible, huh? Is that a _challenge_ , Parrish?” 

Adam sucks in a sharp breath and buries his face in his hands so Ronan won’t see the way his ears turn bright pink. 

“No,” Adam hisses. “It certainly isn’t.” He takes in the mischievous glint in Ronan’s eyes and swallows. He shouldn’t be encouraging Ronan. He shouldn’t be _flirting_ with him. 

“Seems like I’ve already got my work cut out for me,” Ronan hums. His expression is smug as he leans over to correct another one of Adam’s answers. 

“And here I thought you _wanted_ a challenge,” Adam taunts. Ronan’s smile falters as he meets his gaze. Adam licks his lips and Ronan tracks the movement. It’s not the first time he’s caught the other boy watching him, but it’s the first time that he doesn’t look away. Instead, he stares back; letting Ronan know he’s been caught. 

Adam can’t believe he’s baiting Ronan, of all people. It’s stupid and he’s reckless but he just _wants_. It was frustrating not kissing Blue when they were together, but this is almost worse. It’s harder to miss what he’s never had. 

Ronan tilts his head up, their foreheads nearly brushing as Ronan’s eyes darken, his gaze dipping to Adam’s mouth again. Adam’s throat feels dry and scratchy, his nerves raw and frayed as he waits for Ronan to do _anything_. For a crazed moment, Adam thinks that it’ll be like last night; Ronan will surge forward and kiss him and they’ll finally acknowledge what’s been building between them. 

Instead, Ronan pulls away and slams his book shut loudly enough that Adam flinches. “I should get going; clearly you can’t concentrate on anything else while I’m here.” 

Ronan means it jokingly, but Adam nearly chokes at the truth of statement. 

“In your dreams,” Adam replies, painfully aware that he sounds like a twelve year old. 

Ronan flashes Adam another of his wicked grins. “You have no idea.” 

_I do though_ , Adam thinks as he watches Ronan leave. _I really do_. 

~*~

The second time it happens, it’s a week later. Adam's beginning to think it was a one-time thing when he falls asleep and finds himself in Cabeswater again. 

“Not a nightmare, then,” Ronan sighs in relief as the tension eases from his shoulders. He drops his head into Adam’s lap. 

“I could be,” Adam murmurs, dragging his fingers along Ronan’s scalp absentmindedly. He feels a rush of satisfaction as Ronan closes his eyes and shivers. 

When Ronan nuzzles against his knuckles, Adam can’t help the derisive giggle that escapes him. He claps a hand over his mouth but it’s too late. The moment’s already shattered. Ronan lifts his head and pulls away, all the casual confidence suddenly lost. 

“Something funny, Parrish?” Ronan snarls. 

“Nothing,” Adam insists. “It’s just- when you’re like this it’s sort of-“

“Sort of _what?_ ” 

“Cute,” Adam mutters under his breath. He turns his face away but even so, he can sense Ronan’s look of disbelief. 

When he first met Ronan, he never would have attributed the word to him. But he’s seen things since then. He’s recognized the softer, vulnerable parts of Ronan that he hadn’t thought the other boy could possibly possess. 

“Cute,” Ronan mocks as he pushes Adam onto his back. “I’ll show you cute.” 

Adam snorts as Ronan drags his boxers down to his knees. “I should just sleep naked from now on.” 

“What difference would that make?” Ronan raises an eyebrow. 

“Never mind, Lynch,” Adam grunts as Ronan trails his fingers along Adam’s bare chest. His feather-light touches are maddening as he touches Adam everywhere except where he’s already hard and leaking. “ _Fuck_ , I take it back. You’re not cute at all. You’re a dangerous predator _god_ just touch me already.” 

“I don’t know,” Ronan leers, “I kind of like you like this.”

He squeezes his eyes shut and whimpers as Ronan teases Adam’s nipples with his thumbs. Fucker. 

“Wait. I’m trying to tell you. I’m real. This,” he gasps, gesturing between them as Ronan leans down and licks a hot stripe along his stomach, “is real.” 

He expects Ronan to pull away again but he doesn’t. 

“I can tell when I’m asleep and when I’m awake,” Ronan replies, flippant as he closes his fist around Adam’s cock and strokes. 

“No, I know. You _are_ dreaming but I’m not-”

Ronan hushes him. “A little less talking,” he says, grinning as he slides to his knees. “A little more- yeah.”

Ronan doesn’t hesitate, just closes his mouth around the head and sucks as he stares up at him, looking every bit the predator Adam nearly forgot Ronan was. Stupid, he chides himself, swallowing thickly as he cups the back of Ronan’s head. “Fuck, your mouth,” he moans. 

Maybe Adam should be surprised that Ronan can manage to look like smug asshole even with Adam’s length in his mouth, yet somehow he isn’t. Ronan’s got that look of determination like when he’s about to do something reckless – which is most of the time. He teases at the underside of Adam’s cock with his tongue, and then works his way slowly down, pupils blown and eyes narrowed in rapt concentration as he takes Adam inch by fucking inch until his mouth meets his hand where it’s gripping the base. Clearly Ronan’s taken it upon himself to coax as many embarrassing noises from Adam as possible. 

Adam wonders how he keeps under up on the receiving end of pleasure, considering these are Ronan’s wet dreams, after all. Not that he’s complaining because – god, yeah – the warm suction of Ronan’s mouth is amazing and he doesn’t want to give this up. It’s just infuriating how Ronan remains a fucking enigma, even in his most sincere moments. The more Adam learns about the other boy, the less he thinks he knows. 

Ronan pulls back painfully slow, his mouth dragging back up Adam’s cock. He settles into a slow, steady rhythm as he pulls more broken noises from Adam. “Jesus Christ, Parrish you sound so pretty like this,” Ronan groans into his thigh, and Adam wishes he had a clever retort, but he’s bucking his hips so hard Ronan slips, slender fingers dropping down and behind and Adam tenses because _fuck_ -

“Lynch. Stop.” His voices cracks and they’re both aware that it sounds like the opposite of what he wants but he doesn’t waver. Ronan shrugs and gives him one last tight stroke before withdrawing his hand. 

Ronan looks up at him expectantly, waiting for instruction. 

_What do you want, Adam?_

He wants-

“I want to fuck you,” Adam pants, his ears turning bright pink. “Why the hell are you still wearing clothes?”

Ronan huffs out a laugh as yanks his tank top over his head. Adam stares openly at the long expanse of exposed skin and Ronan preens under his attention before hooking a hand around Adam’s neck and pulling him into a crushing kiss. Adam’s more than a little pleased with himself at the wrecked noises Ronan makes as Adam sucks softly on his lower lip. 

Adam hooks a hand under one of Ronan’s knees and pulls his leg up and then rolls his hips just right to make Ronan moan. They’re both painfully hard, grinding against each other eagerly as they kiss. “Couldn’t have just dreamt us a bed, could you?”

Ronan moans and Adam can feel it against his mouth. “Boring,” Ronan tuts, but a bed appears beside them nonetheless. _Adam’s_ bed, from St. Agnes. 

“Seriously, Ronan? That bed is tiny,” Adam complains but he knows it’s pointless. He’s long since given up expecting Ronan to conform to the rules of logic or physics. Apparently they don’t apply to him. Ronan smirks and pulls them onto the bed. The mattress sags and creaks under their weight. 

“I’ve thought about it, before. Us. This. Here,” Ronan says, propping himself up against the headboard. “But I mean, if you’d rather do it on the grass-”

“No, this is good,” Adam says as he flushes. He slides his hand up Ronan’s thigh as he works his zipper open hastily, mouth trailing after, pressing biting kissing along the jut of Ronan’s hip bone, the splay of his ribs, the exposed column of his throat, until he reaches Ronan’s mouth. Ronan’s eyes are blown and his lips are wet and swollen from being kissed. He looks debauched. _I did that_ , Adam thinks proudly. 

“Thought you said you were going to _fuck_ me, asshole,” Ronan mutters but there’s no real heat to it as he shudders and arches into Adam’s loose grip. 

Finally, _finally_ Adam liberates Ronan from his jeans. Ronan’s cock is flushed and leaking in his hand. It’s gorgeous, just like the rest of him and it takes Adam a moment for him to decide he’s not annoyed about it. 

“Lube? Condom?” 

Ronan instantly produces them from behind a pillow and Adam gapes for a moment but doesn’t ask. 

“C’mon Parrish, pretty _fucking_ please. Touch me already,” Ronan demands, glaring as he straddles Adam, clutching onto his shoulders as they grind together. Both boys groan. “Thought you Southerners were supposed to have manners.”

“That’s Southern _hospitality_ , jackass,” Adam says, rolling his eyes as he gets Ronan loose and wet. He squeezes Ronan’s shoulder in comfort as the other boy winces at the initial stretch. 

“Do it,” Ronan chokes out.

Adam’s pictured it before the dream sharing began -what they’d be like together. He’d imagined bruising kisses, nails digging into skin, the two of them rutting against each other fast and brutal until they come, panting hard into each other’s mouths. 

This isn’t how he imagined it, though. For starters, they’re _in Ronan’s head_. Instead, Ronan’s hungrily watching Adam as he slicks up his dick, shedding his jeans completely before sliding in a finger next to Adam’s. 

“Oh, Fuck,” Adam croaks. He tightens his grip on Ronan’s hip, helping to steady him as Ronan slowly sinks down. It’s the best thing and the worst, Adam decides, sliding his tongue along Ronan’s bottom when Ronan settles in his lap. It’s the worst because it’s real, just not in the way Adam wants it to be. Tomorrow, Ronan won’t know it actually happened and Adam won’t be able to forget. 

Adam whimpers, eyes slipping shut, when Ronan slowly clenches tighter and bears down around him, squeezing hard before taking the rest. Adam tries to stay still and wait for Ronan to adjust.

Ronan makes a noise of impatience and bears down harder. _“Move.”_

“Patience, Lynch,” Adam chuckles. The sound vibrates against Ronan, the sensation going straight to Ronan’s cock as he groans and strains up into him. It only makes him angrier.

He lifts himself up and sinks down, bracing himself on Adam's shoulders. “I. am. being. perfectly. fucking. patient,” he grits, each word punctured by the rise and fall of his hips, 

Adam gives in, the little self-control he possessed easily coming undone from the sight of Ronan Lynch riding him. _Fuck, what was his life_. He digs his thumbs into Ronan’s hip, as he rocks his own hips in time with Ronan’s, and _god_ it’s perfect. 

“Yeah, yeah god that’s good- _Adam_ ,” Ronan babbles, scrabbling against Adam's shoulder. He tucks his head against the side of Adam’s neck, like he’s trying to muffle the words. 

Ronan’s tight and warm around him, and Adam’s hips buck as Ronan bears down, the other boy tilting his hips until he finds the perfect spot and then he’s panting, moaning a little as he sags against Adam. 

“Are you close?” Adam asks. His voice sounds rough and wheezy, so much so that he hardly recognizes it. 

Ronan nods vigorously, his buzzed hair brushing against Adam’s neck. “ _Yes_. Fuck, I just need,” he gasps as he tries to reach between them but Adam’s faster, wrapping his fingers around Ronan’s length and working him through it, giving the other boy something to fuck into as his hips rise and fall. “God, yeah. Just like that.” 

Adam tilts his head down to slot their mouths together, the two of them gasping as Ronan buries his fingers in Adam’s hair and tugs. He makes a broken sound, his grip on Ronan’s hip tightening as he jerks his fist around Ronan’s cock in a clumsy rhythm. “I’m going to-” 

Ronan slides down on last time and stills, coming with a broken sob, spilling hot and sticky across Adam’s stomach. Adam strokes Ronan through the aftershocks of his orgasm when Ronan clenches down and then Adam’s shuddering and wrapping his arms around Ronan’s shoulders, holding him tightly as he comes. 

“That was,” Ronan pants. “ _Fuck_.”

“Yeah,” Adam agrees, his breath hitched and his voice cracking. He rolls off Ronan, letting his eyes slip closed as he leans against the headboard. 

When he wakes up, he’s in his room again and Ronan’s not there. He should’ve expected as much, but it’s an unwelcomed surprise all the same. Adam stares up at the ceiling and swears. He’s still wearing the goddamn condom. He grabs a washcloth and cleans himself off while he tries, and fails to not hate himself for being too cowardly to tell Ronan about the dreams. Flopping back down on his bed, Adam wonders if he should ask Ronan to dream him a pair. 

He sighs and traces his finger along the center of the pillow beside him, wondering what it’d be like to wake up with Ronan resting beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh BOY I'd apologize for the explicit content and language but it's really not that different from the first chapter. I wrote most of this past 1am which is when my typos usually happen but I checked over it like 4 times and I was happy with it so I hope there's not too many? I'm thinking this will either have one or two more chapters, but no more than that.


	3. Chapter 3

He’s going to tell Ronan. He has to, because this has gone on for too long. Adam opens his mouth to say something and immediately snaps it shut again, his ears turning pink as he ducks his head. 

Ronan scowls up at him from where he’s studying on the floor. He raises an eyebrow and snaps his textbook shut. “What is it?” Ronan demands. 

“What is _what_?” Adam asks innocently. 

“Whatever you’ve been working yourself up to tell me for the last hour. You look like a fish when you gape at me like that.” 

“I-,” Adam begins to say. He flushes and trails off again as Ronan stares up at him expectantly. 

“And there it is again,” Ronan says, sighing. “Just spit it out. I can handle it, whatever it is.” 

He blinks rapidly and nods. This shouldn’t be so hard. Ronan knows him. Knows even the darkest and most twisted parts of him that Adam’s desperately tried to hide from Gansey. Ronan knows him, but he doesn’t flinch away, he’s not careful with his words like Adam’s a landmine ready to go off at any time. 

Adam hesitantly tilts his head down to kiss Ronan when the door swings open, revealing Blue and Gansey. 

“Shit,” Adam hisses as he rolls off the bed and onto the floor, beside Ronan. 

“What the actual fuck, Parrish?” Ronan snaps. 

Blue and Gansey look between them in confusion. 

“Should I even bother asking what’s going on?” Blue snickers. 

“Nothing. Adam’s just acting weird,” Ronan says. “And I’m going to figure out why, eventually.” 

“I’m not acting weird. If anyone’s acting weird it’s Ronan. He was _studying_. For _class_.” 

Blue lets out a low whistle. “What do you know? Looks like hell’s frozen over, and it’s only November.” 

“Hilarious, maggot. Really.” 

~*~

The third time it happens, Adam hates himself for anticipated it. No, looked forward to it. On the nights leading up to the dreams, he wakes up disappointed and frustrated. 

The third time it happens, it’s an accident. It’s an accident because Adam can’t control when he enters Ronan’s dreams. It’s an accident because if he could choose, he’d probably never leave. It’s an accident, but it’s not a surprise. 

This time, Adam abandons his reservations. He tugs Ronan out of his shirt with purpose as Adam presses him against the grass. He tips his head down and kisses the other boy. It’s lazy, slow and dirty and Adam’s sure this alone will be the death of him. They’re hardly moving against each other; they’re just clinging, Ronan’s hands fisted in his hair while Adam trails his fingers down Ronan’s back. 

“Holy fuuuuck,” Ronan gasps, shivering as Adam dips his hand into his boxers. He pulls back just enough to bury his face in Adam’s neck as he thrusts sharp and unsteady into Adam’s hand.  
“Just- fuck. _Wait_.” 

Adam loves him like this – flushed and panting, Ronan’s eyes blown and his mouth swollen and red from where Adam’s been biting at it. Ronan’s usually so unaffected. Even when he does let his guard down, it’s only ever momentary. Then he’s back to fighting and glaring at anyone who has the nerve to exist in his vicinity. Adam wonders if he’ll ever get the time to take Ronan apart, to have him-

“Parrish,” Ronan says. He swallows harshly and swipes his tongue across his bottom lip. “I was asked you a question, asshole.” 

Adam hums and works open the buttons of Ronan’s jeans. “You should really invest in a pair of sweatpants. Or stop wearing pants to bed like a _normal_ person.” 

“ _Parrish_.” 

Adam’s gaze snaps to Ronan’s face. It’s only then that he notices the other boy is blushing. His arms are crossed over his chest and it’s the most uncomfortable Adam’s ever seen him. 

“I want- I. Forget it.” 

“Now who’s tongue tied?” Adam grins. It’d be a lie if he said he wasn’t enjoying this. 

“I,” Ronan goes to say again, and then shakes his head. He leans forward and kisses along Adam’s shoulder. Adam can just barely feel the scrape of teeth. 

Ronan presses a biting kiss to the hollow of his neck, not enough to leave a bruise but the pressure makes Adam whine and buck against him. His mouth hovers there hesitantly. 

“Can I? I need,” Ronan rasps. “Please.” 

He looks up at Adam hopefully, as if being denied would kill him. As if Adam would ever deny him. 

“Yeah. _Want it_ ,” Adam says, nodding as he leans against Ronan’s shoulder. He can feel the crooked curve of Ronan’s smirk against his neck. “God, Ronan.” 

They inhale sharply as Ronan presses down harder. Adam full-body shudders, his hands gripping Ronan’s waist tightly as he toes the line between pleasure and pain. Ronan licks against the abused skin, apologetic and comforting as he twines their fingers together. 

_I love you_ , Adam thinks desperately as he sighs and slips down to lay his head over Ronan’s heart. They rest together, Adam just listening to the rise and fall of Ronan’s chest as Ronan rubs little circles into Adam’s hip with his thumb. They’ve hardly touched each other this time but it feels like enough, almost. Maybe. The silence that stretches between is easy, but it almost always is these days. 

Can you fall asleep in a dream? He’s already drifting off when he feels a gentle nudge at his side. He makes a noise of discontent and rolls onto his back. 

“Hey, Adam?”

“Yeah?” he says, titling his head up to meet Ronan’s gaze. 

“S’time to wake up.” 

~*~

Waking up alone was supposed to get less devastating, but it hasn’t. Adam tosses his covers aside and heads towards the washroom. On the way, he spots his mirror. He scowls at his reflection, at the heavy bags beneath his eyes, at his disheveled hair that Ronan dragged his fingers through only moments ago before he’d been awoken. He glares harder and the ground beneath him shifts. The room trembles, knocking the mirror from the wall. It shatters as it hits the floor.

Adam catches his reflection again in the splintered mirror. This time he spots a purple bruise blooming at the base of his throat. He presses his finger against it and groans at his stupidity. He shouldn’t have let himself get carried away. 

He sighs and runs himself a shower. _This isn’t real_ , he reminds himself as he steps under the cold spray of water. He presses his thumb against the hickey and stifles a moan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to be longer but I felt bad about the fact I haven't updated and I wanted to make sure nobody thought I was neglecting my fic. Also nobody has ever accused me of being a patient women. heh. I SWEAR this chapter has a purpose and that it's all going somewhere. I swear. *wink* Again, I have no beta and I write everything at 2am so any disastrous mistakes are mine. specifically, a product of my sleep-deprived brain. enjoy! 
> 
> also I'm on tumblr as montystilinski


	4. Chapter 4

“Don’t you guys have anywhere else to hangout? That isn’t where I work?” Blue asks as she sinks into the booth, slumping down in the seat next to Noah. 

“No,” Gansey says, giving her a smug smile. “Okay, maybe. But we like it here.” 

Blue beams back and Ronan makes a gagging gesture. She turns her smile towards him, only there’s a hint of mischief in her eyes as she leans forward, stretching her legs out beneath the table. The table wobbles and Ronan jerks back, wincing as Blue’s grin widens. 

“And people say I have violent tendencies,” Ronan says as he rubs at his ankle. 

“No idea what you mean,” Blue retorts, reaching over to grab a grab a slice of pizza. 

“I’m surprised you could reach, what with your tiny legs and all.” 

“Ronan,” Gansey warns. 

“She started it,” Ronan grumbles.

There’s heavy bags under Ronan’s eyes and his hands are buried in his pockets. He’s slouched down in his seat and when he catches Adam’s gaze, his eyes narrowing and turning sharp as a blade. Ronan stares back in a silent challenge until Adam’s resolve withers and he averts his gaze, the tips of his ears turning pink. 

“Hey Adam, what’s that?” Noah asks. Noah points to the mark on Adam’s neck that’s nearly concealed by the shirt collar of his uniform. 

“Nothing.” The others lean in to get a better look. “It’s nothing, really.” 

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” Noah says. He pokes it with his finger and Adam lets out a sharp hiss of breath. 

“Don’t,” he snaps, clamping a hand over his neck as his ears turn bright pink. Affronted, Noah pulls his hand away. 

Gansey’s eyes sharpen. “Is someone hurting you?”

“I- _what?_ No,” Adam insists, flushing harder as his friends stare at him. “It’s not like that.” 

“So what’s it like, then?” 

Adam cringes at Gansey’s concerned tone. He doesn’t deserve to have Gansey worrying about him. Not about this. 

“Oh my god,” Blue gasps. “Adam Parrish, is that a _hickey_ on your neck?” 

Noah and Gansey whip their heads around to stare at Blue. There’s an uncomfortable silence as they look back and forth between Adam and Blue. Adam pointedly does not look at Ronan. 

“It _is_ ,” Blue confirms. Adam tries to be only mildly perturbed at her disbelief. 

“But from who?” Noah asks, because the dead are annoyingly nosy. “More importantly, is she a vampire?” 

“Vampires don’t exist.” 

“They might,” Gansey argues. “Anything’s possible.” 

“Do we know her? Does she go to my school?” 

“Lay off, guys. A gentleman doesn’t tell,” Gansey says. “But you were being safe, right?” 

Adam lets out a long, tortured groan and buries his face in his hands. 

“I think we broke him,” Blue concludes. “C’mon Adam, we’re just teasing. We’ll limit the conversation to Glendower and other paranormal phenomenon. Promise.” 

“Unless she’s a vampire,” Noah offers cheerfully. “Or a ghost.” 

Adam slowly lifts his head. For the first time since having his hickey pointed out, he risks a glance at Ronan. Ronan’s not looking back, however. Instead, his eyes are fixed on the bruise. 

“Oh,” Ronan says, letting out a shuttered breath that’s too quiet for anyone else but Adam to hear. “ _Oh_.” 

_Oh_ , Adam solemnly agrees. _Shit_. 

~*~

Ronan doesn’t say anything to Adam. Not for the rest of the evening, not on the ride home. It should be a relief, but it isn’t. 

Adam can feel Ronan’s eyes on him, unwavering. It’s unnerving, being this exposed. He slumps his shoulders and tugs his hoodie down, shielding his face as Blue casts him sideways glances every few minutes. Adam knows she’s not going to put up with the silent treatment, but she’s not going to interrogate him in front of their friends, either. 

Adam thinks he’s in the clear after they drop him off at St. Agnes. He stumbles numbly into his room and then collapses onto his bed. His eyes are starting to flutter shut when he hears a furious knock on the door. 

“Don’t-”

The door swings open, revealing a severely pissed and disheveled-looking Ronan behind it. Ronan always looks at least mildly disheveled, but this looks less defiant than usual. Less purposeful. He’s clenching his fists so hard they’ve turned white and he’s still staring openly at the purple-red mark on Adam’s neck like it’s a nightmare creature he’d dreamt, not a stupid fucking hickey. Adam’s stomach lurches. 

“What the actual fuck, Parrish?” 

He looks like he’s going to hit him. Adam ducks his head and squeezes his eyes shut, just in case. 

“Don’t go for the face, please.” 

“Don’t go for the-,” Ronan repeats in confusion as he paces around the room. He sees the way Adam flinches as Ronan reaches for him and sighs. “I’m not here to hit you, dumbass.” 

Adam lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in and his shoulders visibly relax. “You could have led with that.”

He’s still bracing himself for an argument. Ronan must sense that because his eyes soften and he shakes his head. 

“I’m not here to fight with you either.” 

“Why the hell are you here, then-,” Adam asks as the bed dips and Ronan’s suddenly there. He shutters at the feeling of Ronan’s eyelashes brushing against his cheek, the warmth of his breath tickling along Adam’s spine. _“Ronan.”_

Ronan ignores Adam in favor of pressing his thumb against the purple-blue mark he’d left the night before. Adam whines and bucks his hips. He wonders, distractedly, whether it’s possible get off on the pressure alone. Maybe-

He hisses as Ronan removes his thumb. “Explain.” 

Adam flushes, his eyes darting down to the situation already stirring in his pants when he hears Ronan grunt. 

“Not that.” Ronan points to Adam’s neck. _“That.”_

Adam rubs at it self-consciously and scowls. “You and me were, you know,” he says, gesturing vaguely. “Then you, well.” 

Smooth, Parrish. 

Ronan snorts. “No shit, Parrish. _I was there.”_

Adam’s flush deepens at the memory and his shorts start to feel uncomfortably tight. 

“I mean _how_. How’s it possible.” 

He shrugs and glances pointedly at his hands. “I’m not sure. One moment I was struggling to fall asleep and then next thing I knew I was in Cabeswater and you were there.” 

“You saw us…” Ronan blanches. 

Of course Ronan would think Adam’s some weird voyeur now. Not that what he’d been doing was any better. Maybe it worse. 

“I didn’t see it. I lived it, sort of. I was there with you. The real me. And you were- I just went with it, I guess 

Ronan doesn’t say anything. Adam takes it as permission to explain further. 

“You must’ve wanted me there and Cabeswater uh, provided.” He coughs. 

“You just went with it,” Ronan echoes. He looks like he’s going to vomit. 

Adam realizes what he must be thinking. 

“Shit, that’s not what I-” Adam groans and runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “I wanted to. With you, I mean. I don’t think I realized until the dreams and by then I didn’t want to give this up.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ronan demands. “You knew about the dreams and _still.”_

Ronan lets out a slow huff of breath as he tries to calm himself. He wraps his arms around his knees. 

“Why didn’t _you?”_

Adam had been certain that if Ronan wanted him like that, he would’ve said something. He would’ve made a move. Ronan Lynch was many things, but shy wasn’t one of them. This was someone who could will his dreams into existence. Adam imagined the world with outstretched hands towards the other boy. _Yours, yours, yours._

Surely Ronan would’ve known enough to ask. To try. 

The withering look Ronan gives him has Adam reconsidering, slightly. 

“How do I know you’re the real thing? Maybe there’s another, equally annoying Adam Parrish walking around who doesn’t have a giant hickey on his neck.”

Adam smirks and tackles Ronan, pressing him against the bed as his grip tightens around the other boy’s wrists. “Would dream-Adam do this?”

“Definitely.” A flush creeps up Ronan’s neck as he pants. 

“Guess we’ll never know then. Maybe he could join us?” 

“God, no.” Ronan wrinkles his nose and muffles his laughter against Adam’s shoulder. “One of you is plenty enough.” 

“It could be hot,” he teases.

“I don’t want to share,” Ronan states plainly. “Not even with you.” 

Adam gapes down at the other boy when he realizes what he said. He wants to be exclusive. It hits him then that they’ve skipped the whole confession thing, again. _This isn’t a dream,_ he reminds himself. 

“Ronan,” Adam says. “I want this. I want you. For real, this time.” 

Ronan swallows audibly and turns his head to the side. He flexes his fingers against Adam’s grip and for a moment, Adam’s certain the other boy is going to push him away. Instead, Ronan goes slack beneath him. 

“I like you too, dumbass.” The _obviously_ is heavily implied. 

Adam knew that, he’s known it for a while now but just hearing Ronan say it makes him feel warm. 

They stare at each other for too long, ensure how to do this. It’s stupid, really. Adam knows every inch of Ronan’s body intimately. This shouldn’t be awkward. 

Ronan gives him an impatient look before looping his arms around Adam’s neck and pressing their lips together. It’s not perfect; his lips are chapped, their noses bump and there’s _teeth_ but it’s better than anything else they’ve done before because it’s real and it's theirs. Adam resists the urge to pump his fist in the air because he's confident Ronan would never let him live it down. 

They kiss again and the room suddenly smells of pine and the forest after it’s rained. Adam melts into Ronan’s touch. 

“Gee, I guess dreams do come true.” 

Ronan knees him in the chest. 

“Shut up, Parrish.” 

Adam does. He smirks, marveling at how noisy the other boy can be as he sucks a matching bruise against Ronan's neck. 

They're a strange match, the magician and the greywaren but as Ronan squeezes his hand, Adam can't help but think that the two of them are going to be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man trying to write for a new fandom is the worst. Apologies if there's OOC stuff? I feel like Ronan would be less guarded than usual if he thought it was fake though. Let me know if you want to see more of this, yeah?


End file.
